I'm celebrating another birthday today, my 36th.
I've started to notice that the older I get, the more I keep
looking back at my life and wonder what might have been. As I get closer to
celebrating by birthday each and every year I begin to ask the question that I
swore to myself at age 20 that I would never, ever ask myself:
What if?
What if my mother didn't stand in my way and allow me to play
football like I wanted to when I was a kid? Would I have been given the
opportunity to play Quarterback like I wanted? How far could my arm have taken
me if I had the chance? High School? College? Would I have been able to live
out my dream and become the starting QB for the L.A. Rams?
I guess I'll never know.
What if I hadn't said no to the Odyssey Theatre in L.A. when
they needed me to take over the role of Nick in "Bedroom Farce"?
Would that have been a springboard to bigger and better roles for myself? Would
I have gotten the exposure that I always suspected that gig could have given
me? Would I now be working as a professional actor now instead of thinking
about what might have been?
I guess I'll never know.
But I have also started to notice that my birthday also comes
along with some really great memories, most of which have to do with football.
There are two memories that stand out in my mind. One of which is the Chargers
game I went to a couple of years ago. We were having some work done on the
house and our contractor had an extra ticket to the Charger-49ers game and
wanted to know if I was interested.
What was I going to say, no?
Se we trekked down to LoCal, Chuck Verzi (contractor), his
friend and lawyer and myself. We were all in stitches as Chuck regaled us with
tales of various happenings on some of the jobs that he worked. Who knew that
some construction workers could act like such fools? Anyway, we got down there
and the game was pretty good up until the 4th quarter when it turned
into a 49ers blowout. Ryan Leaf was actually having a pretty good day. He
wasn't making any costly mistakes, and he managed to keep the Bolts in the
game. Then Cryin Leaf reared his ugly head and the game turned into a rout. I
think the score was 17-13 49ers at the end of the 3rd, but the final
was more like 45-13. Cryin threw three picks in that final quarter alone that
led to 49er TD's.
That game wasn't bad, especially when it happened to fall on
my birthday. But that doesn't even compare to a game I went to 24 years
earlier:
For my tenth birthday, my mother got me tickets to a football
game, but it turned out to not just be any other game. The Los Angeles Rams
were my team when I was a boy. I literally lived and died with those guys. I
was always taken up to the heights when they won, and sunk to the lowest depths
when they would fall one game short of the Super Bowl (beaten out by the
Cowboys or Vikings). So for my birthday that year, Mom got me tickets for the
Rams-Falcons game to be played the next day (December 4, 1976). I didn't know
just how special that day was until much later.
It turned out to be Merlin Olsen's last home game in a Ram
uniform.
The game itself was a rout. The Rams dominated the entire day
and led Atlanta 59-0 late in the fourth quarter, but the fans were not happy
yet. They had Atlanta deep in their own territory, so Chuck Knox decided to
pull his starters and let the reserves have a turn. Soon, a chant started up in
the crowd, and as it grew you could hear 93,000 screaming maniacs all saying
the same thing: "We want Olsen! We want Olsen! We want Olsen! We want
Olsen!" Well, groundChuck listened to us that day for once, and he gave us
what we wanted. Olsen trotted back out onto the field to a standing O, and
managed to give us all one last thrill before going off into the sunset.
The tickets from that game are long gone now, but I have
something more important then that. I have a memory that will last a lifetime.
A memory of the best birthday present that I ever got.
When I look back on that day I always think of my mother and
smile. Not only are the tickets from that game gone, but as of a couple of
years ago, so is my mother. If I ever need a pleasant memory of her all I have
to do is think of that day.
I've also started to realize why playing football games on a
computer is so important to me: it gives me an opportunity to live out that
childhood dream. I can put myself onto any roster at any time and live out my
dream of playing in the NFL, and I can do it without having to put on the pads
and go through training camp to do it. Let's face it, at age 36 I'm not very
likely going to be able to get myself in good enough shape to be able to out
perform Kurt Warner…
…well, then again…
At any rate, I can live out my Walter Mitty fantasies by way
of a computer from the safety of my own home, which makes my wife somewhat
happy. At least she knows that I'm not out getting into trouble like so many
other people that we have known in our lives. The only drawback is that now
that she has become very proficient on the computer herself in order to run our
new business, she is on that rig more than I am. That means that I have to
negotiate with her for computer time in order to squeeze in at least a quarter
of football here and there.
Now true, we do have a back-up computer, but it doesn't even
come close to being able to pick up the slack if our main PC goes down. Our
main rig is a P4, 256mb RAM, 60GB HD, nVidia GeForce2 400/400MX 64mb Video
Card, with a Broadband internet connection. Our back up is our old P2, 64mb
RAM, 6GB HD, Monster 3D Voodoo piggyback 4mb Video Card, with a 56k Modem. The
only football I can play on that one is FBPro'99 and Madden 2000. I can't get
NCAA Football '99 to work on the old setup for some reason, and I can't get NFL
Pro League or All-American College Football to allow me to play a scheduled
league game without locking up the system.
I am hoping that I can get her to agree to get another
computer for the business that just so happens to be powerful enough to allow
me to play all of the games in my library. I've got my eye on the new notebook
that Alienware has come out with - the Area 51m. You can customize this new
beauty with whatever hardware you choose, plus you can choose the color it
comes in. Personally I've got my eye on something called Cyborg Green.
At any rate, I'll be celebrating my latest birthday the way
I've wanted to the past few years: low key. No wild celebrations, no bells and
whistles, just a quiet night in front of the computer playing some Madden (if I
can beat my wife to the computer that is). As for presents, I've almost reached
the point where a gift certificate for Burlington Coat factory will suffice
given my waistline is hovering around 40 (God, why can't I get onto the
treadmill and keep at it?). I've already treated myself by going on eBay and
finding some old football games that I used to play. Konomi's NFL 1992 should
be here in a few days, and I'll be able to pay for NCAA '98 tomorrow. Plus I
was able to find DVD's of the first two weeks of play in the dear, departed XFL
that I will be watching as soon as they arrive (can anyone forget The Rock in
the Coliseum? "Finally, Professional Football HAS COME BACK TO LOS
ANGELES!!!).
I just want my birthday's to pass quietly as I get older. I
guess its due to my not wanting to think about the numbers and how much closer
I am to 40 now. That and I just want it to be like any other day except for a
few well wishes (which I've gotten) and some displays of affection (which could
come later). That way the advancing years won't be as traumatic as they could
be. I remember what Joe Paterno told one of his players one time when the Coach
was asked what the player should do after he scored. How should he celebrate?
Paterno's quote was classic: "Just act like you've been there before
son."
I always have JoePa, I always have.
36 times.
sigh.
Until next time…
